Introduction

Stress is a natural part of life, but its impact can vary greatly – sometimes pushing us to achieve more and other times leaving us feeling completely overwhelmed. For many, the negative effects of stress far outweigh its motivating benefits, making it essential to understand and address this common challenge. What exactly is stress? Where does it come from? And most importantly, how can we manage it effectively? In this article, we’ll break down the basic science behind stress, uncover its root causes, and share actionable tips to help you prevent and cope with its effects.

What Is Stress?

In short terms, stress is the reaction (stress response) to any kind of concrete or sensed danger (stressor) [ 2 ] , [ 3 ]. It is a natural survival response that equips us to either confront or escape threats [ 1 ]. Stress can further be defined by a dynamic reciprocity of three components: stressors, mediators, and manifestations. Stressors can be described as specific disruptive life event or chronic strains as for instance persistent emotional pressure. Mediators are personal coping mechanisms and social support such as relationships. Manifestations can be referred to as the consequent impact of stress on mental and physical health, such as depression, anxiety, or chronic illnesses [ 2 ]. Stress responses, while initially designed to help the body adapt, can cause harm to the body and ultimately lead to severe diseases if they persist over a long period of time [ 3 ]. It is crucial to not view stress as an isolated issue but a multifaceted process influenced by social and environmental contexts [ 2 ].

Gabor and Daniel Maté (2022) highlight the crucial difference between short-term stress and chronic stress: while brief stress responses can be helpful—sharpening our focus and boosting performance—long-term, unresolved stress can lead to anxiety, inflammation, and serious illness over time. Our body’s ability to handle stress relies on a delicate internal system known as the HPA axis. This system involves three key components: a region in the brain called the hypothalamus, which helps keep the body in balance; the pituitary gland, which influences many hormonal functions; and the adrenal glands, which release hormones like cortisol in response to stress. Despite being able to survive in all kinds of environments, our bodies can only function properly when internal conditions like temperature, heart rate, and blood chemistry stay within a narrow, stable range. Long-term stress can throw these systems out of balance, potentially leading to illness if not addressed. [ 1 ]

Why Are You Stressed?

Stress isn’t just feeling overwhelmed by tasks. It’s a physiological and emotional state where your body perceives danger or disconnection, often unconsciously. Many people live in a state of chronic stress without realizing it. It becomes “normal” — but it’s deeply damaging. This includes suppressed emotions, overwork or perfectionism, social isolation or people-pleasing and lack of authentic self-expression.

Gabor and Daniel Maté (2022) emphasize that stress is often the result of being alienated from your true self — when you suppress your emotions, needs, or truth to gain approval or avoid conflict.

How To Deal With Stress When It Arises

In moments of acute stress—whether it’s a sudden conflict, an overwhelming task, or an unexpected emotional trigger—having practical tools can make a meaningful difference. Drawing on insights from Gabor and Daniel Maté’s The Myth of Normal (2022), the following section offers a list of actions and reflections that I’ve found especially helpful in navigating high-stress situations. These suggestions are grounded in the understanding of how stress affects the mind and body as introduced above, and they emphasize a compassionate, grounded approach to self-regulation and healing. Whether you’re looking for quick interventions or longer-term shifts in perspective, the list below provides supportive strategies to manage stress in the moment.

1. Reclaim Authenticity

Suppressing your needs to please others creates inner conflict.
Healing starts with allowing yourself to feel and express your true emotions.

2. Recognize Cultural Conditioning

Modern Western culture promotes productivity, self-sacrifice, and disconnection.
Maté challenges readers to see how our culture rewards unhealthy stress patterns and labels them as “normal.”

3. Process Trauma (Big or Small)

Unresolved trauma (even subtle, childhood developmental trauma) drives chronic stress.
Healing means exploring your history, often with professional help, and learning to meet unmet needs.

4. Develop Compassion for Yourself

Stress is not your fault. It’s often a survival response to an unsafe emotional environment.
Practice self-compassion, boundaries, and mindfulness to reduce internal stress.

5. Connection as Healing

Maté places huge emphasis on authentic human connection — being seen, heard, and accepted.
Community, love, and safe relationships are deeply healing to the stress response.

Conclusion

Stress is not just a mental burden—it’s a whole-body experience shaped by our environment, personal history, and the way we relate to ourselves and others. While short-term stress can serve a functional purpose, chronic and unresolved stress can take a significant toll on our physical and emotional well-being. Healing begins not with fixing ourselves, but with understanding and accepting the deeper roots of our stress, including the cultural and personal patterns that fuel it.

By recognizing stress as a signal—not a flaw—we can begin to respond with more awareness, compassion, and intentional action. Whether it’s through reclaiming your authenticity, setting boundaries, seeking connection, or addressing past wounds, managing stress is ultimately about coming home to yourself. Small, consistent shifts in how we relate to stress can open the door to lasting well-being and a more grounded, fulfilling life.

References

[ 1 ] Maté, G., & Maté, D. (2022). The Myth of Normal: Illness, health and healing in a toxic culture. Avery)

[ 2 ] Pearlin, L. I., Menaghan, E. G., Lieberman, M. A., & Mullan, J. T. (1981). The stress process. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 22(4), 337–356.

[ 3 ] Selye, H. (1956) The Stress of Life. New York: McGraw-Hill